Saturday, August 29, 2009
Student: Yes. In a powerhouse!
Teacher: What are the people of Turkey called?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: They are called Turks. Now, what are the people of Germany called?
Student: They are called Germs!!
Student: Because George still had the axe in his hand!!
Teacher: Name one important thing we have today that we didn't had ten years ago.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Then came a test time. The professor handed out a sheet of paper with only four pairs of legs drawn. He then asked the class to name the four wild birds from their legs.
The student kept staring and staring at legs and was getting nowhere. His agitation and anger grew to a boiling point. Ultimately, he got up rushed to the teacher in the front and smashed the test on the teacher's desk.
"How can you give stupid test like this?" He blasted at teacher.
The annoyed teacher looked up and said: "You boy, you have flunked the test. What's your name?"
The angry student pulled up his pants to the knee baring his legs and yelled: "Look here and tell me what is my name."
Read more funny office jokes and funny office interview jokes.
Funny Office Jokes, Funny Office Interview Jokes, Funny Santa Banta Jokes, : Banta Singh's Interview
Interviewer: Banta Singh, you have to say the opposite of all that I say. OK?
Banta Singh: OK.
Interviewer: Made in India
Banta Singh: Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer: Good... Keep it up
Banta Singh: Bad... Put it down
Interviewer: Maxi Mum
Banta Singh: Mini Dad
Interviewer: Enough! Take your seat
Banta Singh: Insufficient! Don't take my seat
Interviewer: Idiot! Take your seat
Banta Singh: Clever! Don't take my seat
Interviewer: I say you get out!
Banta Singh: You didn't say I come in
Interviewer: I reject you!
Banta Singh: You appoint me
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave. The man asks “We realize it’s tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we’d like your permission to dance together.”
“Absolutely not” says the Mullah. “It’s immoral. Men and women always dance separately.”
“So after the ceremony I can’t even dance with my own wife?” says the man.
“No” answered the Mullah, “It’s forbidden in Islam“.
“Well, okay” says the man, “What about sex? Can we finally have sex?”
“Of course!” replies the Mullah, “Allah ho Akber! Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!”
“What about different positions?” asks the man.
“Allah ho Akber! No problem” says the Mullah.
“Woman on top?” the man asks. “Sure” says the Mullah. “Allah ho Akber. Go for it!”
“Sure! Allah ho Akber!”
“On the kitchen table?”
“Yes, yes! Allah ho Akber!”
“Can we I do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porno video?”
“You may indeed. Allah ho Akber!”
“Can we do it standing up?”
“No” says the Mullah.
“Why not?” asks the man. “Because that could lead to dancing“…
Monday, August 24, 2009
Ryan Jenkins Death-Former VH1 reality TV contestant, the murderer 32-year-old Ryan Jenkins has been found dead in a motel in Hope on Sunday. Ryan Jenkins was wanted for the murder of his own ex-wife, former swimsuit model Jasmine Fiore and according to the Associated Press the motel manager and his nephew found the 32-year-old hanging from the bar of a coat rack by a belt.
Kevin Walker, the manager of the Thunderbird Motel, tells the AP that Jenkins arrived in a Chrysler PT Cruiser and was accompanied by a young woman, but Jenkins stayed in the car while the woman checked them in to the motel.
Walker added that the woman who was blond and in her early 20s, paid in cash for three days, and that he found Jenkins dead in the room when he unlocked it because the pair never checked out.
The British Columbia Coroner's Service is currently investigating Jenkins' death.
Fiore’s mother, Lisa Lepore, tells the “Today” show host Ann Curry of hearing the news of Jenkins’ death, “It’s a mixed reaction. It brings some closure to what’s been going on. … We don’t have to worry about looking for him anymore, or being worried that he’s a threat to any other women or men. We still have a long process of closure.”
Fiore’s former boyfriend, Robert Hasman, also appeared on the “Today” show and revealed that he was in contact with the swimsuit model via text messaging days before her death. When asked if his contact with Fiore could have pushed Jenkins over the edge, Hasman replies, “I can only assume that that might have been the cause, his motive.”
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Islamic Humour: Golden TelephoneAn American decided to write a book about famous Mosques around the world. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China.
On his first day he was inside a Mosque taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call".
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to Allah. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large Mosque, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he had seen in China and he asked a nearby Holy man what its purpose was. He told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to Allah. "O.K., thank you," said the American.
He then traveled to India, Sri Lanka, Russia, Turkey, Israel, France, Germany,. In every Mosque he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to Pakistan to see if Pakistanis had the same phone. He arrived in Pakistan, and again, in the first Mosque he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One Rupee per call."
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Imam, I have traveled all over World and I have seen this same golden telephone in many Mosques. I am told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but everywhere the price was $10,000 per call."
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Melbourne, Aug 20 (ANI): Internet security company Norton Symantec has come up with a list of Top 100 Dirtiest sites, which could infect your computer with malware.Malware is a software that can damage or compromise a computer system without the owner's consent.Natalie Connor, spokeswoman of the anti-virus company, said that even visiting any of the named websites could expose a computer to infection and put the personal information into the hands of unwanted people."What people don't realise is when you type in a website, you're bringing down information on a page and with it could be malware," News.com.au quoted her as saying.
The list was compiled with the help of global data collected on Norton Safe Web, a site that analysed websites' security risks.The infected sites had on average 18,000 threats and 40 per cent of the sites had more than 20,000 threats, while 75 per cent of websites on the list were found to be spreading malware for over six months.According to Connor, most websites in the list had adult content with unprintable names, suggesting they contained hardcore pornography.Some others sites include those on ice skating, deer hunting, catering and legal services.Hackers can apparently obtain personal information using keystroke-logging software from both PCs and Mac computers.he reps said that hackers are a force to reckon with as cyber crime is increasing rapidly.She added: "The last thing we want to do is scare people, we want to educate them so they know how to protect themselves."It's not about the fame any more of creating viruses and getting in the media. They're making money."
Norton released a sample of the dirtiest websites:
2 . aladel.net
3 . bpwhamburgorchardpark.org
4 . clicnews.com
30. yt118.com (ANI)
Friday, August 21, 2009
This SMS will EXPLODE in 5 secondsâ€¦.
This SMS will EXPLODE in 5 secondsâ€¦.
For this, is a special time when family
For this, is a special time when family
And friends get together,for fun.
Wishing laughter and fun to cheer your days,
In this festive season of diwali and always!!!!!!!!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Sometimes I just can't understand the ways of God! He mused. Just fancy letting tiny walnuts grow on so majestic a tree and huge pumpkins on the delicate vines!
Just then a walnut snapped off and fell smack on Molla Nasiruddin's bald head. He got up at once and lifting up his hands and face to heavens in supplication, said:
Oh, my God! Forgive my questioning your ways! You are all-wise. Where would I have been now, if pumpkins grew on trees!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Usain Bolt proved again he races in a world of his own, winning the 100m World Championship 0n 16th August at Berlin setting a new world record of 9.58 sec. Bolt improved his previous world record of 9.69 sec by a massive 0.11 sec. It was the biggest increase of record since electronic time is introduced. Tyson Gay came second at 9.71 sec whereas Asafa Powel came third at 9.84 sec. As Bolt crossed the finishing line, he just saw the record time flashed up . He pounded his chest to indicate he is the best. No doubt he is!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
2009 Summer TV Preview: Kourtney And Khloe Take Miami
'Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami' was definitely worth the wait and is definitely worth your time! The series follows sisters Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian as they take on a new scene in Miami and a new business venture with a second Dash store. If you loved 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians' you'll love keeping up with Kourtney and Khloe's busy lives even more.
On the premiere episode viewers saw Kourtney and Khloe prepare for the opening of the new Dash Miami and Khloe prepare for her new radio show, 'Khloe After Dark.'
Los Angeles, Newly single and ready to conquer the world, sisters Kourtney and Khloé Kardashian leave LA behind and take a chance on a new city with a notoriously hot social scene when they head to sexy South Beach to launch a second DASH boutique. In addition to her duties at the store, Khloé asserts her independence more than ever, embarking on a new career in radio when her late night talk show "Khloé After Dark" takes over the airwaves on Miami's Y100. As hard as it is to leave the tight-knit Kardashian clan, these free-spirited sisters head to Miami for an entirely new adventure. While the ladies enjoy the hot days, balmy nights and private yachts, they are all business when it comes to making the second Dash boutique as successful as the first. Produced by Ryan Seacrest Productions and Bunim-Murray Productions, the team behind E!'s hit series Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kourtney and Khloé Take Miami premieres with a special extended episode on August 16 at 10 pm ET/PT only on E!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Ayurveda, the traditional Indian Medicine, has a remedy for diseases when every other stream of medicine fails. Now, at a time when swine flu is spreading like wildfire across the world, Ayurveda has got the remedy in the form of the miraculous herb, the basil leaves commonly known as Tulsi.
Tulsi, the sublime plant, has been known and worshipped in India for more than five millennia for its remarkable healing properties. Considered as an 'Elixir of Life', this wonder herb has now been claimed to keep the deadly swine flu at bay and help faster recovery in afflicted persons.
"The anti-flu property of Tulsi has been discovered by medical experts across the world quite recently. Tulsi improves the body's overall defence mechanism including its ability to fight aginst viral diseases. It was successfully used in combating Japanese Encephalitis and the same theory applies to swine flu," says Dr U K Tiwari, a herbal medicine practitioner.
Apart from acting as a preventive medicine in case of swine flu, Tulsi can help the patient recover faster.
"Even when a person has already contracted swine flu, Tulsi can help in speeding up the recovery process and also help in strengthening the immune system of the body," he claims.
Dr Bhupesh Patel, a lecturer at Gujarat Ayurved University, Jamnagar is also of the view that Tulsi can play an important role in controlling swine flu.
"Tulsi can control swine flu and it should be taken in fresh form. Juice or paste of at least 20-25 medium sized leaves should be consumed twice a day on an empty stomach." This increases the resistance of the body and, thereby, reduces the chances of inviting swine flu," believes Patel.
As its name suggests, Tulsi has again proved to be the 'the incomparable' medicine - this time, in the prevention and cure of swine flu.
The symptoms of the H1N1 flu virus in people are similar to the symptoms of seasonal flu and include fever, cough, sore throat, running or stuffy nose, body aches, headache, chills and fatigue. A significant number of people who have been infected with novel H1N1 flu virus also have reported diarrhea and vomiting. However, one should consult a practitioner in case of any such symptoms. Self medication is not advisible.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
The chemistry between Angelina and Brad Pitt started when they were casted together in the high octane thriller Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Their on screen chemistry had spilled in to their real life also and the famous Brangelina phenomenon began. Pitt and Jolie are not yet married. Jolie commented I am sure we'll do it oneday . It's not about a piece of paper. May be we will do it when the kids start asking.
Certainly, Jolie's unconventional ifestyle, the stories of bood swapping marriage ceremonies and bi-sexual relationships, is a word apart from Pitt's milk and cookies start in life. With his brother, Doug, and sister, Julie, Pitt was raised in Misouri in a secure middle class Baptist family. His mother, Jane, was a high school counsellor and his father, william , ran a truck company.
The couple seem constantly to be on the move- there are homes in California, the south of France, New Orieans and, combodia, where Jolie adopted their eldest son. Maddox. They take it in turns to work, and when one is on set, the other is at home with the kids, and that too means they are in different cities. Jolie was on the move in this way pre-Pitt, and, it seems to be her lifestyle that takes precedence.
Even with the entourage of helpers that money can provide,it sounds exhausting! Pitt insists that they love it. " Every where is interesting in its own way.Each place has its own feel and something to offer. The kids can pick up a few things and we are proud and happy that we are able to provide that.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Jorge Posada painted No. 15 on his catcher's mask to pay tribute to Thurman Munson and delivered a performance that would have delighted the former New York Yankees captain.
The Yankees beat Boston for the first time in nine games this season, with Posada and Melky Cabrera hitting three-run homers in a 13-6 victory Thursday at Yankee Stadium.
"We are playing a lot better than we started playing at the beginning," Posada said. "We are pitching better and we're doing a lot of things well on the mound and at the plate. Hopefully we can carry on and do what we did today."
Posada had three hits and three RBIs, saluting Munson with the type of all-around game that the former Yankees catcher was known for before he died in a plane crash on Aug. 2, 1979. Posada said he had never put Munson's number on his mask before.
"Thurman was special to me," he said. "Just wanted to tell everybody that I was thinking about him today."
New York ended a nine-game skid against Boston dating to last season. It was the Yankees' longest drought in one of baseball's most heated rivalries since they lost 17 straight from Oct. 3, 1911, to July 1, 1912.
The Yankees acquired pitcher Chad Gaudin from the San Diego Padres for a player to be determined or cash considerations. Gaudin was 4-10 with a 5.13 ERA for the Padres.
The Red Sox put outfielder Rocco Baldelli on the disabled list because of a bruised left ankle and recalled
outfielder Josh Reddick from Triple-A Pawtucket.
Milwaukee Brewers first baseman Prince Fielder and Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Guillermo Mota were fined for their run-in this week but were not suspended.
Mota hit Fielder in the ninth inning of a 17-4 win Tuesday night at Dodger Stadium, presumably as payback for Milwaukee's Chris Smith grazing Manny Ramirez with a pitch two innings earlier.
Afterward, Fielder charged across a hallway toward the Dodgers' clubhouse but was restrained by teammates and security.
The Arizona Diamondbacks placed outfielder Justin Upton on the disabled list because of a right oblique strain.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
On July 30th at Thrissur, Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai Bachchan failed to return to their hotel after the shooting of their film "Ravan". An elephant'Kunju' went out of control and killed his mahout Andavan(51).The incident took place anound 5 pm in Athirapally waterfalls area near Athirapally forest. The elephant stood right in the middle of the road blocking the traffic. The film 'Ravan' is shot both in hindi and tamil. Abhishek playing the hero in hindi version whereas tamil actor Vikram playing the hero in tamil version. Ash playing the heroine in both the versions. Athirapally waterfalls is the favourite locations for the filmmakers. The picturization of'Zia Jale' of the film 'Dil Se' and 'Barso Re' from the film 'Guru' was done in this place, reported ANI.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Flying cars are not just the part of science fiction any more. A flying car has been successfully test flown at Melbourne on 2nd august'2009. It is said to be a brainchild of US film Terrafugia. It has showcased at an experimental aircraft show reported by Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. The car is called Transition Roadable Aircraft. Its wings can retract in about 20 sec, making it possible to drive it on road. Its price could be app. 200,000$, reported by ANI.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Seven time world champion Michael Schumacher has come out of his retirement to replace injured Felipe Massa. This announcement has put the car racing lovers in a frenzy. Felipe Massa was injured in an unfortunate and terrible crash which put him into coma. Though he is out of danger now, he is definitely out of any kind of action for the remaining year. And Schumi has come out of his retirement(end of 2006) to take part in formula one racing on behalf of Ferrari. The 40-year old world champion dosent have much time to prepare. The European Grand Prix at Valencia will take place on 23rd august. Can Schumacher produce some of his old magic? Only time will tell.